Friends, Fritterers, Countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to eat fritters, and to praise them.
Final preparations are underway for this Sunday’s (April 29) Third Annual Tour de Fritter. The competition will begin promptly at 0830 with the Prologue Fritter. Rollout for Stage 1 from Davis to Winters will be at 0900. Prospective Podium Girls may personally audition with the Tour Director immediately prior to the Prologue. Further details of the ride are on the club website:
http://www.davisbikeclub.org/rides-and-events/ride_descriptions/non-recurring_rides/2012-tour-de-fritter
Despite the setbacks from the recent doping scandal, including the expulsion of several riders, Tour organizers are expecting a huge turnout. Several media outlets will be on hand, and law enforcement officials from around the region will provide logistical support and security for the event. Please show your UFI (Union Fritteriste International) license to security personnel as you approach the start venue and you will be admitted. Because of the doping scandal this year, all fritterers will be required to recite the Fritter Oath before they will be allowed to join the competition. In lieu of reciting the oath, participants may write the oath on the back of a $20 bill and hand it to the Tour Director prior to the beginning of competition.
Though the details of each of Le Tour’s competitions should by now be graven into the minds of all, there are doubtless dilettantes among the readers of this missive. A brief recap of the rules and scoring for each TDF competition may be found here. It is the responsibility of each competitor to be familiar with these rules. Failure to understand and follow the rules will result in disqualification.
Based on the points system for this competition, one can clearly see that overall speed will not be rewarded, nor will it be tolerated. Riding off the front will result in a disqualification. Riding off the back will result in a disqualification. Being disqualified will result in a disqualification. Because the general classification is determined by “fritter” points and bribery of the Tour Director, there is no advantage to riding fast and getting to the stage finish first, especially not before Le Director. This is not a hammer-fest, but a social ride. Though this is a social ride, it is not a no-drop ride. If you can draft in a paceline at 16-18 mph you can easily finish this ride with the group. Since we will make a big loop (la grande boucle) through Yolo and Solano Counties, you can cut off or turn back at any point and await the arrival of the peloton at Sudwerk Brewery. Competitors who do not complete the course must buy the Tour Director a beer or they will be disqualified.
With the exception of the Lanterne Rouge, the rider with the highest cumulative total in each of the competitions at the end of le Tour will be awarded the medal for that classification. Yes, these are real medals that you will cherish for the rest of your life, at which time your heirs will cash in by selling them on eBay.
It promises to be a beautiful day, with temperatures in the upper 70s to low 80s, if the weather forecasters (who by the way are habitual liars). Come out and enjoy the splendor, the beauty, the grace, and the gut-wrenching suffering that is Le Tour de Fritter.
Le Tour de Fritter 