Monthly Archives: April 2012

Official Rules of the 3rd Annual Tour de Fritter

Friends, Fritterers, Countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to eat fritters, and to praise them.

Final preparations are underway for this Sunday’s (April 29) Third Annual Tour de Fritter. The competition will begin promptly at 0830 with the Prologue Fritter. Rollout for Stage 1 from Davis to Winters will be at 0900.  Prospective Podium Girls may personally audition with the Tour Director immediately prior to the Prologue.  Further details of the ride are on the club website:
http://www.davisbikeclub.org/rides-and-events/ride_descriptions/non-recurring_rides/2012-tour-de-fritter

Despite the setbacks from the recent doping scandal, including the expulsion of several riders, Tour organizers are expecting a huge turnout. Several media outlets will be on hand, and law enforcement officials from around the region will provide logistical support and security for the event. Please show your UFI (Union Fritteriste International) license to security personnel as you approach the start venue and you will be admitted.  Because of the doping scandal this year, all fritterers will be required to recite the Fritter Oath before they will be allowed to join the competition.  In lieu of reciting the oath, participants may write the oath on the back of a $20 bill and hand it to the Tour Director prior to the beginning of competition.

Though the details of each of Le Tour’s competitions should by now be graven into the minds of all, there are doubtless dilettantes among the readers of this missive.  A brief recap of the rules and scoring for each TDF competition may be found here. It is the responsibility of each competitor to be familiar with these rules.  Failure to understand and follow the rules will result in disqualification.

Based on the points system for this competition, one can clearly see that overall speed will not be rewarded, nor will it be tolerated. Riding off the front will result in a disqualification.  Riding off the back will result in a disqualification.  Being disqualified will result in a disqualification.  Because the general classification is determined by “fritter” points and bribery of the Tour Director, there is no advantage to riding fast and getting to the stage finish first, especially not before Le Director. This is not a hammer-fest, but a social ride. Though this is a social ride, it is not a no-drop ride. If you can draft in a paceline at 16-18 mph you can easily finish this ride with the group. Since we will make a big loop (la grande boucle) through Yolo and Solano Counties, you can cut off or turn back at any point and await the arrival of the peloton at Sudwerk Brewery. Competitors who do not complete the course must buy the Tour Director a beer or they will be disqualified.

With the exception of the Lanterne Rouge, the rider with the highest cumulative total in each of the competitions at the end of le Tour will be awarded the medal for that classification. Yes, these are real medals that you will cherish for the rest of your life, at which time your heirs will cash in by selling them on eBay.

It promises to be a beautiful day, with temperatures in the upper 70s to low 80s, if the weather forecasters (who by the way are habitual liars).  Come out and enjoy the splendor, the beauty, the grace, and the gut-wrenching suffering that is Le Tour de Fritter.

2012 Tour de Fritter Rescheduled!

Inquiries from around the globe having been pouring in concerning whether or not Le Tour de Fritter will be held this year.  After last month’s disastrous turn of events when widespread use of banned substances resulted in its last-minute cancellation, it was not clear whether organizers had the wherewithal or stomach to sponsor another Tour.  Yet, as with so many of the world’s most prestigious traditions, the history and grandeur of Le Tour cannot be overcome by a momentary scandal.  So it is with great joy that we announce that the 3rd Annual Le Tour de Fritter has been rescheduled for Sunday, April 29, 2012.  The Prologue competition begins at 0830, with the rollout for Stage 1 at 0900.  Come early to get a jump on the competition!  The course will be the same as originally planned, details of which may be here.

Note that we have been working round the clock to establish and enforce strict doping controls. We are carefully reviewing the biological passports of all potential riders, and any irregularities will be reported to the UFI (Union Fritteriste Internationale) and WASA (World Anti-Statin Agency) for disciplinary action.  Don’t be surprised if one of your fellow cyclists “just happen” to decide to ride the Chico Wildflower Century or the Nevada City Tour, or maybe comes down with a sudden allergy or cold.  We all know the truth of the matter.

We look forward to welcoming you all to a clean and competitive 2012 Tour de Fritter, and especially watching you all suffer.  Stay tuned to this and other official TDF media outlets for additional details of the competition. As a parting note, we would like to tip our fritter to Mr. James Pavlichek and Ms. Elizabeth Matthews, who so graciously plied us and several dozen randonneurs with deep-fried goodness this past Saturday.  Their efforts will be richly rewarded…assuming they manage to finish the race.  The wise TDF rider will take notice and emulate.